Sarcastic And Opinionated Quotes

A conversation with my Mum
Me: “If he grasses me up to the police, I will personally cut off his tongue, with my nodachi, and cook it rare to medium, and feed it to the foxes Hannibal Lector style.
Mum: “Don’t be so cruel!”
Me: “OK, I’ll throw his raw tongue in the River Churnet ,and let the radio active Chernobyl crayfish eat it”
Mum: “That’s better…”

Made In Stoke-on-Trent. My Mother, Jean Matthews, and Reginald Michel's invention - The Spitfire.
Made In Stoke-on-Trent. My Mother, Jean Matthews, and Reginald Michel’s invention – The Spitfire.

On people who spit in public places.
People spitting on the pavement is rude, dirty, and disgusting in my opinion.
My parents raised me and brought me up with morals and manners, they didn’t drag me up.
It’s bad enough when guys do it – but there’s nothing worse than a woman or girl who spits out of a car window. It’s NOT the actions of a classy lady and not the type of female I’d take home to meet my mother.

On the Euro-vision Song Contest.
No. I will NOT watch this years Euro-vision Song Contest. We never win it anyway because all the racist foreign countries always vote against us. In fact I have more important things to do – like drink beer and watch the sunset.

The Summer of 2016.
BREAKING NEWS!!!
If you live in the Meir area of Stoke-on-Trent you can see a rare sighting of the planet known as “the sun”. However, this solar event is bringing all the alcoholics and drug addicts outdoors and what appears to be a zombie Apocalypse could be imminent!

Advice on working as doorman.
Don’t try to act the tough guy, and don’t throw your weight around and bully people. Be Nice. Manners cost you nothing – but they go a long way. Iv’e seen so called doormen bully little old men, just so they can look hard and try and impress people. Truth be told, the only people they are impressing is themselves. That old man? He may be someones farther, someones grandfather …and you don’t know who his family and friends are. The next night you may have god knows how many people smashing the club up. There’s a time and place for violence, and don’t worry it will come soon enough. You want as many people as possible to have the perception that you really are a good guy. Then, when it does kick off and you have to go a bit psychotic – you’ll have an abundance of people who’ll say something like “I know Chris, he’s a really nice guy. he wouldn’t do something like that without a blood good reason for it!”. Just be nice.

Custom Lightsaber Builds

If you're a bit of a ‪#‎starwars‬ geek check out how I made my own custom lightsaber hilt with little more than a sink drain assembly, window wipers, cable ties, a bit of para-cord, an old printed circuit, a couple of old electric wires, and few other bits and bobs... ‪#‎lightsaber‬ ‪#‎lightsabers‬ ‪#‎replicafantasyweapons‬

Here’s a few examples of my custom lightsaber builds.

If you're a bit of a ‪#‎starwars‬ geek check out how I made my own custom lightsaber hilt with little more than a sink drain assembly, window wipers, cable ties, a bit of para-cord, an old printed circuit, a couple of old electric wires, and few other bits and bobs... ‪#‎lightsaber‬ ‪#‎lightsabers‬ ‪#‎replicafantasyweapons‬

First and foremost: This is NOT a functional weapon. It’s ONLY a display item. It’s purely built for geeky home decoration.

If you’re a bit of a ‪Star Wars‬ geek – check out how I made my own custom lightsaber hilt with little more than a sink drain assembly, window wipers (these were used in the original Anakin Skywalker, Luke Skywalker, and Darth Vader lightsaber movie props), cable ties, a bit of para-cord, an old printed circuit, a couple of old electric wires (recently used in Kylo Ren’s lightsaber hilt), a ton of glue, and few other bits and pieces…..

Example Number One: I call this the “Sith Ninjato Saber”. Completed on Sunday the 22nd of May 2016.

Lightsaber hilts don’t have to be expensive to build. You can build one at quite a low price point. I got my main parts (the sink drain assembly, and the air-soft scope mount) from ebay…

Please click on a photo to view larger versions. …and to read my comments regarding the custom builds.